The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

You know the movie’s gonna’ be epic when they battle a rampaging dragon in the intro.

Thus begins Jackson’s third installment of Tolkien’s “Hobbit” series. The movie picks up with Laketown being attacked by Smaug, gouts of flame spewing everywhere in proper dragonesque fashion. Everyone’s fleeing for their lives, the main guy’s kids are screaming for their Da, and the governor and his wormy henchman are making their getaway in a boat overloaded with the town’s treasures.

Meanwhile, Thorin and Co. are across the way taking over the ancient dwarf homestead under the Lonely Mountain, and the dragon hoard of gold therein. Big T’s “dragon sickness” will make him obsessed with his quest for the Arkenstone, the shining jewel that’s the symbol of his kingdom, not to mention wanting to keep the uncountable piles of treasure all for himself. This kinda’ sours relations with his would-be allies, just a bit.

After that the exotic and emotionless elf king, who really doesn’t like humans or dwarves, and won’t fight with them, except maybe in a pivotal, adrenaline-rush battle scene, brings food to the refugees who made it to the ruins of Dale. Bard, the commoner who’s really the new ruler but is too noble to want to be called it, though he still commands everybody, makes a deal that he’ll help the elves get back their silver necklace from the dwarves.

Then they’re the orc hordes, ogres, bats and other minions, preparing to attack the dwarves’ stronghold and take all the treasure. Except Sauron; he really just wants to get back his one ring of power. What’s with the kings all being so focused on retrieving their jewelry?

The stage is set for the rest of the movie, one big series of battles and orc-bashing, peppered with angst-driven scenes of Bilbo and Bard trying to get the good guys to make up and play nice before said evil armies make it a moot point.

Fans of fantasy warfare on a grand scale will not be disappointed. The bulk of the movie, of course, jumps from one epic conflict to another in quick succession, from battling ringwraiths to save Gandalf, to thousands of orcs fighting armies of the good races, to the obligatory one-on-one battles between major players. There are trolls fitted with battering rams, headbutting dwarves, elvish acrobatics on crumbling bridges — good warring fun.

As for the dialogue, meh. Much of it isn’t outstanding, just something to move the plot along. There are some funny parts, though (Bilbo, in the middle of a huge battle: “Uh, Gandalf? Is this a good place to stand?”). It also has a few awkward bits, like what appears to be a key emotional point in which the hobbit and wizard are sitting together as the latter cleans his pipe, but neither actually gets around to talking. And why do the elves switch randomly from Elvish to English?

Nonetheless, I’d definitely recommend the flick. It’s not amazing-first-LOTR-fantastic, but fellow fans of Tolkien will enjoy taking one more trip through Middle Earth before they finally retreat to the comforts of the Shire.